Assorted Afflatuses

I thought, when I fell suddenly ill last week, that the worst part of my spring break was over. But, as I so often do, I reckoned incorrectly.

This week also happened to be the week that most of the colleges I applied to delivered admission information. Initially, I was excited. Everyone from the admissions officers from the colleges themselves to friends and family seemed extremely confident that I would be accepted by at least one of the schools that I applied to, if not all of them. But apparently, not even the admissions officers can gauge their insanity.

For I was not only denied admission to my first choice, Princeton, I was also rejected by Dartmouth and Stanford. And Northwestern University decided that I was only worthy of their so-called "wait list."

It would not have surprised me if one or two schools rejected me, however, I did not expect this. Though, frankly, this strange, unexpected and most unpleasant turn of events makes me wonder what on earth the people who did gain admission spent their time in high school doing to gain that admission. Obviously some people had the advantage of being legacy admissions, which, at Princeton and Dartmouth anyway, quadruples one's chance of being admitted. Yet, the entire student body at those schools cannot possibly be composed of legacy admissions. So what did those other students do? How much can one person possibly accomplish in four years? My activities résumé alone is three very detailed pages long!

Perhaps the admissions committee at Pomona has some sense of sanity. For the sake of my own sanity, I desperately hope I got in.

Discovery Channel mini-documentaries can either enthrall me or put me to sleep. In a very Les Misérables-Inspector Javert way, there is no middle ground. But, fortunately for me, I have developed the System, which has proved itself to be remarkably accurate. For instance, the System correctly predicted that Tom Brokaw's "Supervolcano," which aired sometime in the last two years, would put me to sleep. (I watched five minutes of a rerun and definitely felt the beginnings of a nap). The System also managed to guess — correctly — that the Discovery Channel's "Discovery Atlas" series would enthrall me. (It is, by the way, one of the most amazing television programs I have seen in years).

But to my immense displeasure, the System fell apart on Sunday when I sat down to watch the Discovery Channel's newest series of mini-documentaires, "Planet Earth." I had high hopes for the program. It was co-produced with the BBC, a television paragon, and it had real potential to educate. The beautiful time-lapse photography and the lions, tigers, and bears (Oh my!), however, did nothing to mask the program's soporific powers. It dealt in trivialities, revealing such remarkable facts as, "Sharks swim in the ocean," or, "Tigers walk on land." Not exactly my idea of intellectually stimulating.

I realized, however, that had I watched the show in 1080i HD, I would not have fallen asleep, because the program's pristine photography and sound would have overshadowed the total lack of interesting facts. So, I revised the System and — mostly for fun — devised this lovely chart to help susceptible people everywhere make sound Discovery Channel mini-documentary choices.

(The blue area, of course, represents the area where TV shows can safely be watched and the green area represents those shows only tolerable when viewed in high definition. I must admit that I am particularly proud of the horizontal scale's right-hand label, "Educational for the Braindead.")

Humans will locate Atlantis before I manage to buy a new cell phone, because, in an unexpected twist, two problems have emerged. I mentioned in my previous cellular phone post that I had three choices: the Nokia N80, the Sony Ericsson P990i and the Sony Ericsson M600i. At some point on Sunday morning, I decided that I would plunk down the money and buy the M600i. After all, I have two digital cameras, what would I do with two more? But then, just as I was about to click the "Buy It Now" button on eBay, I had a sudden protective impulse to make sure that the phone would sync properly with my computer.

My reaction served me well. For when I checked said stat, I discovered that, in some cruel twist of fate, neither the P990i nor the M600i syncs with Mac OS X. Apparently it has something to do with those phones' cutting-edge UIQ 3 software, which requires some radically different driver in order to sync with OS X. And, more perturbing still, Apple did not address this problem in their latest OS X update, 10.4.9. Naturally, 10.4.9, happens to be just .0.1 away from 10.5.0, which just happens to be the version number of Mac OS X Leopard. So, I would probably have to wait until Apple releases Leopard in the vague "Spring 2007" timeframe, if not longer, to use either of my two choices with my laptop.

But that's not all. As I snooped around for information about the obnoxious incompatibility between phone and computer, I discovered more bad news. According to the cell-heads whose forum posts I thumbed through, the United States uses the 2100 MHz spectrum for transmitting high-speed 3G data. Everyone else, however, uses 1900 MHz spectrum. And, as luck would have it, neither the P990i nor the M600i have a 2100 MHz 3G radio. Wonderful.

In theory, I should have already purchased the N80. I cannot, however, bring myself to do it. Perhaps my fears that the N80 is too thick are unfounded. Though I simply cannot ignore the fact that my instincts have a very good track record.

I hate being sick. Especially when I happen to fall ill just before my birthday and just in time for me to deprive myself of the chance to host my school's Rose Festival Ambassador selection ceremony. Yes, I can attest to the fact that it is immensely pleasurable to spend one's eighteenth birthday in bed with a runny nose, sore throat, and 250 milligrams of antibiotics floating around in one's bloodstream.

Granted, I do feel much better today, though this disease could not have picked a more inopportune time to ravage my sinuses. After all, while I need only take the antibiotics for five days, according to my doctor, I am still considered medically sick for ten. In other words, I will spend the entirety of my spring vacation with a sinus infection.

It could have been much worse, I suppose. I might have been in China right now, had my parents followed through with their plan to go there for our spring break vacation. The Chinese probably have adequate doctors and the like, but even when I was in France over the summer, I had the sense that medical care in the United States really is the best.

But I digress. A few days ago — probably when I was more sick and bedridden earlier in the week — Princeton had the courtesy to inform me that application decisions will go online at 5 PM eastern on 29 March. This does two things. Firstly, it lends even more credence to my argument that, of the many schools I applied to, Princeton is the best. Secondly, and more importantly, it makes me very nervous. I know I have a very good chance of being admitted, but with an 8 percent acceptance rate, it does make me just the slightest bit squeamish.

I hope that the illustrious people at Princeton will have some mercy on me and send me a big white envelope with very good news inside.

While I may have an unhealthy affinity for gadgets, I am lagging far behind when it comes to cellular technology. Unlike the mobile phones owned by nearly everyone in the United States, or even Ghana, my cell phone is over three years old. Admittedly, I have spent countless hours attempting to find a replacement, but nothing fit the bill. At this point, however, I have become quite desperate: I really need a new mobile.

Most people would automatically put me down as one of the lunatics who will buy an Apple iPhone the minute they go on sale. But, unlike most gadget addicts, I do have at least some degree of sense. First generation products, of course, have an unpleasant tendency to break or malfunction in some way. Not a desirable trait. The iPhone's lack of a 3G wireless radio also seems somewhat backwards to me, especially considering the iPhone's remarkable HTML web browser.

So, I have narrowed the playing field down to three possible choices. None of them perfect, but I suppose one of them must do.

Nokia's N80 model is choice number one. It may not have a QWERTY keyboard for easy texting or datebook entries, but it does have three very impressive features. For one, it has not one, but two cameras: one on the front and one on the back. The rear camera permits the user to take high-quality 3-megapixels photos and the one on the front can be used for video calls. Secondly, it has the aforementioned 3G wireless radio so that I don't feel like I have been transported back to 1998 when I browse the Internet. And thirdly, it has a comparatively high resolution screen.

But the N80 is enormous. Unlike the Motorola RAZR, it measures over one inch thick! It may not sound that bad, but an inch-thick mobile would create a very uncomfortable bulge in my pocket.

Contender number two is the Sony Ericsson M600. Like the N80, it too has a 3G radio. Though unlike the N80, the M600 has a slick touch-screen and a QWERTY-esque thumb keyboard. It's also much thinner than the N80, measuring just four-tenths of an inch thick. The M600, however, does not have one key feature: a camera. I cannot honestly say I use the camera feature of my phone very often, though I like the idea of having one, or even two cameras, especially if I can wow people with video calls.

My last cellular possibility is the Sony Ericsson P990i. It has every bell and whistle anyone could possibly cram into a phone: a 3G radio, two cameras, a touch-screen, a full QWERTY keyboard, a numeric keypad and even WiFi. But the P990i is even more bloated than the N80. It's both over an inch thick, has generous horizontal and vertical dimensions, and weighs a lot, for a cell phone. The P990i also has the added disadvantage of costing the most of the three.

At the moment, I am leaning toward the M600. As I said, I really do not use the camera all that often and I like the idea of having a more svelte phone. Granted, I also cannot say that many people have two cameras on their phones. Decisions, decisions, decisions.

Last night, as I guzzled a bottle of water, I came up with an idea, which is either brilliant, encourages unhealthy behavior or simply weird: "Overachiever Magazine." It would fill the void that exists between superfluous teen magazines like "Teen Vogue" or "Seventeen," on one end, and serious publications (which, unlike Teen Vogue, have some actual value) like "The Economist" or "Foreign Affairs" on the other. After all, what sleep-deprived straight-A student wouldn't want seven suggestions for more soothing slumber? I could consult professional stress-reduction experts and have an "Overachiever of the Month," in the same way that "Teen Vogue" features some up-and-coming anorexic toothpick person in its glossy Photoshopped pages.

It could revolutionize the world of print publications. Or, for that matter, online publishing.

But as lucrative as this venture sounds, I cannot help but think that it would make a somewhat worrying problem even worse. Speaking from experience, I do not need the lure of more activities or scholarly pursuits to fill my time. I barely manage to sleep enough to stay alive — much less manage to lay down for the prescribed eight or nine hours every night &mdash and ten quick activities to help me reader faster and comprehend more would not help. In that sense, "Overachiever Magazine" would be almost as bad as other teen magazines that push people to develop eating disorders because of the unrealistic cosmetic ideals they extol. Of course, it is much harder to die joining another club at school. Induce fatigue, sure. But not death.

It seems like a fairly lucrative idea that would appeal to a growing number of American teenagers. Granted, the concept might have more merit in India or China, where, from what I understand, people are under much more pressure to become overachievers to begin with. Perhaps I should give Time Warner a call.

Sorry for the complete lack of content. I've been rather busy.