Assorted Afflatuses

For years I have shopped the Nordstrom Anniversary sale: the clothing is superb and the prices better. Recently, however, I have been unable to find clothing in my size: not huge. I would, for instance, see something interesting, meander over to the display containing said item and discover that, unfortunately, it was only available in extra extra large. Initially, I attributed this sudden inability to find clothes in my size to the fact that I usually shopped the sale a week or two weeks after its beginning. This, of course, meant that thousands of other people could easily have picked over the clothes deigned to fit humans, leaving me with the whale-sized offerings. And it made sense: people who wear extra extra large clothing probably do not possess the best dress sense.

With this analysis in mind, I devised my strategy for this year's anniversary sale: shop early, find clothes. But, alas, my plan failed. Shopping on the first day of the sale I still found almost nothing. I did, however, find the foible in my logic. Apparently, the growing girth of the modern American has prompted Nordstrom and other department stores from stocking more than one or two items in something smaller than a large.

Smoking, it seems, is not the only vice that negatively affects the healthy and innocent. Now the obesity of others threatens not just healthcare costs and the comfort of spectators at Cirque du Soleil performances, but also Americans' already stunted sense of style (Crocs anyone?). The madness must end. Stop second hand obesity!