Assorted Afflatuses
Woe, Waiters and Water, Part II
To capture the epic scale of my disastrous experience on US Airways, I began writing my account of the experience in the form of a Bible chapter. Three hours later, however, I had only managed to account for a fourth of the airline's missteps. So, rather than spend twelve hours writing, I have decided to tell the story with a more conventional form of prose, though, at a later date. Read on for the first fourth in biblical verse.
And the attendant spake unto Joseph, saying,
Thou shalt not make haste, and bide time, for the vessel shall only miss by a score of minutes.
Thus did Joseph sit.
And the attendant spake again, saying,
Thou shalt assemble with order, and carry not vessels with more than one half of one ligula of liquid.
Thou shalt ensconce one's self in the place on thine token, and not moan.
Thus did Joseph himself ensconce.
And thus did the bird of iron and carbon, of silicon and oxygen, ascend to the heavens.
And when the craft did approach the city of Philadelphia, the heavens heaved with the weight of thunder.
And the pilot said: Have no fear or vexation, for but minutes must we hold.
And passed nearly one half hour.
And the kerosene in the belly of the bird did run low.
And thus the pilot spake, My regrets to the men, the women and the children,
But the bird of iron and carbon, of silicon and oxygen must feed.
Thus did the bird set its mighty feet of carbon on the fertile soils of the Carolina of North.
And Joseph did sit for an hour or more.
And the bird of iron and carbon took once more to the heavens.
And arrive it did in the city of Philadelphia.
And it sat upon the bed of tar upon which the great bird could rest its carbon feet during nearly one hour.
And Joseph brought out his phone born from the factories of Apple.
And he consulted the table upon which had been written the fates of the other birds.
And the table communicated unto him, Thine bird to the city of Paris did already depart.
And the pilot spake unto his passengers, At last a place suitable may there be.
And the bird of iron and carbon moved toward the place where the passengers might leave the bird at last.
And the attendant spake unto the passengers, saying,
Thou shalt assemble in queue at the sign of the Uncommon Ministrations.
Thou shalt there queue until thine problems have been deciphered.
Thou shalt call upon mine apostles in the city of Bangalore in the province of India and ease the burden on mine apostles in the city of Philadelphia.
And Joseph queued during three hours.
And Joseph telephoned the apostles in the city of Bangalore.
And the attendant said unto him, Take now, as ministration, these three tokens for grain.
And Joseph took the tokens.
And Joseph did not find any merchants still open to take his tokens.
And Joseph called upon an hostel and prayed that a bed be available.
And thus Joseph slept in Philadelphia.
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