Assorted Afflatuses

Like the poor Floridian who had the misfortune of being struck twice by lightning, I have terrible luck. When I bought a Staedtler Lumocolor permanent marker, I had planned to refill it upon its death. But Staedtler failed to mention that, while they do sell the Lumocolor markers in the United States, they do not sell the refill kit. Such was the collapse of my well-conceived plan to protect the environment by purchasing a slightly overpriced German marker.

I find it incredibly ironic that my effort to protect the environment may actually harm the it. Apparently, I have to order the refill kit directly from Germany, which means that, in addition to the the insane sum in Euros and the currency conversion fee I will have to pay, I must also have the inkwell shipped in some airplane across two continents. That is, to say the least, awful for the environment.

And, without doubt, Staedtler does not sell the refill kit in the United States because Americans are so incredibly lazy. Just today I discovered that Costco sells instant cosmopolitan mix. If a nation cannot throw a dash of lemon vodka, a touch of Cointreau, a splash of cranberry juice and a squeeze of lime into a shaker, then there is no way it would purchase refills for markers. The effort of dipping a pen into a well of ink would probably kill the millions of people whose hearts are failing due to lack of exercise.

Yes, I love this country.